Monter une Piece
by Selphiebunny
Summary: The diary of Remus Lupin has never seen the light of day, buried underneath piles of discarded books and left to age. Sirius stumbles upon it one rainy day, and it reveals more than he could have ever dreamed. [SBxRL]


Disclaimer: Oh yeah I'm totally the creator of Harry Potter and I've just decided Sirius and Remus should be together forever. . . If you believed that, dodge my shoe! Not mine, sadly. Belongs to J.K, I'm just using them for a little bit.

Summary: The diary of Remus Lupin has never seen the light of day, buried underneath piles of discarded books and left to age. Sirius stumbles upon it one rainy day, and it reveals more than he could have ever dreamed. Includes Seductive!Remus.

Warning: Slash, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, angst. Minor JP/LE & hints of SS/RL. Lemon lime, sorta. Maybe a grapefruit. I DON'T KNOW! -coughs-

Notes -One shot- Present day is set around OotP, Pre HBP. Italics are what Sirius is reading and everything in between is the memory, Remus's POV, Marauder Era.

"Sirius, sit _down_."--Remus. That, my friends, is what turned me into a raging SB/RL fan. Oh. . . and all the other hints. . .

**Monter Une Piece**

It was a boring day without Lupin, rain pounding down viciously with no mercy being spared, while streaks of hideous lightning lit up the sky, making Sirius subconsciously flinch each time. He blamed it on his paranoid tendencies, but knew it was all rooted from the hell that was Azkaban. Books were considered meaningless—he'd read most—and they didn't sate his boredom in the least. He couldn't cook and found himself dreadfully hungry; his eyes strained and he decided to examine the house again.

"Tch. Moony," he whispered hopefully, the name rolling on his tongue. His precious werewolf was no where to be found, sadly. He had wondered everywhere in the dark and unwelcoming house, not because he was worried, certainly not. He was just. . . just curious, was all.

Lupin had become his life support for a while, after he'd returned and he didn't mind. He didn't think Remus did, either. They talked, and talked, and Sirius couldn't find himself able to stop, releasing every thought or desire he had while in the terrifying prison and Remus listened, nodded in an understanding manner, and didn't once question Sirius of his sanity.

For the first time in thirteen years, someone had actually _listened_ to him with acute attention.

Sirius' overwhelming loneliness was slowly easing away, into the faded darkness at the edge of his mind, and their bond was reforming, something Sirius would have never thought possible.

Never say never.

"Never" is the most depressing word ever spoken. Sirius Black avoided it at all times. If he'd used words like that in late night off-your-rocker rambles, he would have never escaped from Azkaban. He would never have returned to Remus.

Sighing to himself, Sirius sat down and took out all the books in a large cardboard box, blowing dust from their ancient covers. They were Remus', and he'd dropped them off in case of emergency which roughly translated to 'open when I'm gone'. Books were never something he enjoyed, unlike Remus, but tough times called for drastic measures.

He was going to _read._

Something he hadn't done. . . in so many years. He skimmed through countless titles until he got to the bottom and found an old, extremely worn book, its cover torn and the words on the front faded. It was definitely not in the best condition, and that sparked his intrigue.

Carefully, he opened it, eyes widening at the neat handwriting on the stained first page.

_The diary of Remus J. Lupin, nineteen sixty-nine_.

Sirius blinked. "The year before we. . . started Hogwarts." His interest peaked and, against his better judgment, he flipped the page and a date was at the top, followed by curving writing that definitely did belong to Lupin.

"Let's see what happened to the young little werewolf before he met the Marauders, shall we?" Sirius shook his head, ignoring the shiver in his spine.

_17th of December, nineteen sixty-nine, _

_So close to Christmas and I should at least try and feel the joy normal people feel, but I just. . . I can't. How strange it is to watch Muggle children play and make snow balls in the crisp white flakes, but I have no whim to join them. Having no friends but my father, it's quite depressing for me. I start Hogwarts in August, and I'm hoping to make at least one, as long as I have that then perhaps my loneliness will dissipate_.

"Remus? What're you doing?"

Mother's voice is so soft, so broken that I can't help but look up from the windowsill. "Nothing Mum, just watching the children play."

She sighed, and I saw the lines around her eyes crease. "Remus, why don't you _join _the others? I'm sure they'd let you, why be so lonely? You'd be so much happier--"

I smiled, getting up and closing the window, the glass freezing under my palm as I touched its surface. "They wouldn't want me. I'm just going to go to sleep."

Her eyes held so much sadness, more than I could ever know and when I thought she was going to speak, she simply turned and walked toward the door, shoulders hunched. "You are so very special, Remus, I truly wish someone would come along and give you the encouragement you need. When you find that person, and you will, bring them home."

And she left. Frowning, I plucked a book from the floor and opened its pages, skimming through further back. She means well, but I've never been good at making friends. They all think I'm odd, for good reason anyway.

The looks I get are the worst though, where they stare with they're mouth half up in a sneer, half down in confusion. I want to cry, but I don't.

The easiest option is to just. . . stay away.

-

_24th of August, nineteen-seventy,_

_I remember when we first met, how he wasn't afraid of anything. At least, that's the impression a child such as I would get. He talked to me on the train ride unblushingly, and he didn't seem fazed in the slightest about a new school or what was to come. He seemed important, and held himself that way. Grace seemed forgotten, yet I knew he was articulate._

"What's your name?"

I turned around and to my astonishment, a tall boy in fancy robes was leaning over me, grinning with a full set of perfectly straight teeth and the strangest eyes I've ever seen, his long hair framing his high cheek bones. Of all the other children arriving, someone just _had_ to talk to me. I nearly moaned.

I had two choices, and neither of them looked very appealing. Talking to him would give me at least one friend, but it wasn't high on my list. I could ignore him completely and have an enemy. The former would have to do. Swallowing my nervousness and biting my lip, I gave him a small, meager smile in return.

"Remus, Remus Lupin."

"Well Remus, my name is Sirius Black, pleasure to meet you." He extended his hand, and I nearly died. I don't allow people to touch me, not my parents or any of my other family. A friend, or a perfect stranger rather, is absolutely out of the question. I'm not entirely sure I like this character anyway, he's so bold. "How old are you, ten? Definitely not eleven right? You barely look nine."

I could feel my eyebrow twitch with utter annoyance. Just who did he think he was? "Ten, thank you." I turned from him, pulling my trunk closer to my side. Even then, I could feel the burn of his stare, lingering on me. Before I knew it, he was in front of me again, same careless smile on his face.

He scratched his head, raising his eyebrows. "Hah, not five minutes and I've already pissed someone off, eh? I'm sorry, really, but it's true."

"Do you _mind_?" I asked, agitated beyond belief. He was so incredibly rude.

"Mind what?

Sighing, I tried turning from him again, but he only swung a surprisingly heavy arm over my shoulder, pulling me and my trunk along until we were on the train, me blinking at his strength. He was bloody strong! "Hey!"

I finally pushed him away, and settled for walking beside him. We went to the last compartment, and opened the door, although I really didn't like the idea of sharing one with him all through the ride, I had no choice. He was the only friend I seemed to have so far, and it wasn't that uncomfortable I suppose.

Two pairs of eyes stared back at us, one with glasses. I blushed, taking a step back but Sirius kept me from getting away. "Hey there," his voice sounded so strong, not once cracking from nervousness. "Mind if we sit with you?"

"Not at all! My name's James Potter, and this here," he the gestured to the pudgy thing beside him, who gave us a crooked smile, "is Peter Pettigrew. Yours then?"

I glanced at Sirius, his entire face lighting up. He pulled me in with him, taking the spare seat and throwing me into it beside him. Meeting new people was one of the things I hated most, but it looked like I'd have to.

"Sirius Black—a pleasure, James, Peter." He smiled, nudging me.

I gulped, swallowed thickly, and managed a shy grin. "Remus Lupin. Hullo."

The boy with glasses smirked, and I had the sudden feeling he was going to be quite a trouble by the mischievous look in his hazel eyes. It could match Sirius, most definitely, and I wasn't sure if that was really a good thing.

Well, I'll find out I suppose.

_22nd of October, Second Year, nineteen seventy-one,_

_The day I knew I would be friends with Sirius somewhere between forever and infinity. The obnoxious boy I thought to be nothing short of amazing had turned into someone human, someone I could relate to. All his problems were unveiled and he took up for me, for all of us. I'll never forget it. The feeling of a friend is something to be savored_.

James, Sirius, Peter and I had just finished dinner in the Great Hall when the Slytherins strolled by, sneering at us with their beady eyes and ugly faces. We all hated them, and the feeling seemed rather mutual. Severus Snape was to be the one in control, and he always had a cruel word for us, Sirius especially.

"My, my, off your leash again Black? Hasn't one of your other little freaks learned by now? You can't let a mutt like yourself go loose like this. Tsk, tsk," Snape hissed, drawing out the 's' with a roll of his scale like tongue, examining his finger nails with acute interest. Annoying prat. The Slytherins found his little joke hilarious apparently, because they all started shrieking with pointy, hideous laughter that droned through my sensitive ears.

Sirius and James were clenching their fists in white hot rage, and Peter had a glare I didn't think him capable of. Snape leered at _me_, though and Lucius, his second in command, ran his tongue over his jagged teeth, snorting. I wanted to rip it out, sever the horrible appendage and stamp my foot down on it. But I didn't, it seemed Sirius was prepared to do it for me.

He stepped in front of me, obscuring my view somewhat, and growled low in his throat. I could see the muscles tense, and James by his side, wand out and ready to hex.

With a final sneer, they left, paying no attention to James's wand or Sirius's violent threats, laughing more of their heartless guffaws, Snap grinning maliciously at us. "That's right protect your filthy boyfriend mongrel."

"Sod off you grimy worm! Take a bath and give yourself a good wank about your precious ickle Lucius while you're bloody at it!" Sirius screamed lamely. Kissing noises were erupting in the hall as they left, spiteful and embarrassing. I blushed when Sirius gave me a reassuring smile. "Don't listen to Snivellus, you know he's an arse." I smiled, enjoying the comfort Sirius so graciously gave me.

He was like the brother I've never had, and it warmed my heart to know someone, at least cared for me. When I looked back at Peter and James, they too were half-grinning, wands slowly inching back in their robes.

I had _friends_.

-

_It was the 13th of February, nineteen seventy-three, I believe, _

_That was when I first knew that I loved him. Third year, to be accurate_.

It was a cold day, snow had just fallen the previous night and we were all still drowsy with sleep. Sirius had a nasty little habit of climbing into my bed and waking me up with his icicle feet, and it proved no different that morning. It should have been frustrating, to be shocked awake, and then not being able to glare at the person who did it. Sirius had that effect on everyone, or perhaps it was just me, considering the circumstances.

I opened my eyes at a steady pace, not quite ready to let him have the reaction he so wanted until he shoved his frozen hands under my night shirt. I was partially already expecting it and cringed at the smirking mess beside me. He was always cocky, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of shivering.

I shivered.

Damn my body.

He began cackling insanely, an ever-present grin wiping away his amused smirk. "Cold, little one?" he taunted.

This year was not my greatest in growth spurs, and I only came up to Sirius's neck, at best. I'm thin, but I like to say light, while his muscles are clear and evened out so he's trim but menacing, from Quidditch. James is still growing but he's taller than me, though not quite up to Sirius yet, which I'm grateful for. Peter was still short and stocky, round in his face and eyes, so I'm at least happy about that.

"I'm not little, just because I'm not a bloody giant and don't have that many muscles like you seem to brag about," I grumbled, trying to pull the covers back around me to no avail whatsoever. Sirius just poked me until I finally got up, his bony fingers digging into my side just hard enough to be uncomfortable and borderline annoying. "You thick prat!"

He simply smiled at me, that ebony hair falling into his incredibly sultry face. "You know I'm kidding, Moony. I'm getting real sad I can't call you that anymore, you know?"

I unbuttoned my night shirt, yawning as each button opened to reveal my scarred flesh. I blushed as I realized Sirius was watching, a strange glint in his eye. I had always been self conscious of the way my body looks, but I suppose he's never cared before, and yet, there's this feeling, like I'm being heckled at. It's incredibly uncomfortable.

"Sirius, is something wrong?" I asked cautiously.

Gray eyes seemed to refocus, fixing me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry there Moony. You're just so bloody gorgeous," he laughed, although it was completely hollow. The cold reality was that it was a joke. An unknown, cruel joke. And it was not funny.

In one painful movement, my heart clenched impossibly tight. Sometimes, my affection for Sirius isn't something I find helpful, and this is one of those times. It's become so bad I can't even take a joke like that anymore. It's rather annoying these days. I try and smile, getting up and taking my robes with me to the loo. Sirius' agitated voice still fresh in my memory as he yelled after me. "Remmie! What the hell?"

In the shower, I cried. Not once, if I can remember, in my entire thirteen years, had I cried. Not when I fell off my father's broom when he tried showing me how to fly and I slipped before he could catch me. Not when I was bitten and became the fowl beast that lurks inside of me. Not when Snape called me a mudblood in front of the entire school and the Slytherin's echoed the insult, no matter how bad my pride was damaged.

I sobbed because I was in love with my best friend and the full realization of it hit me. Hard. And I was a sick, disgusting outcast and he could never, ever love me.

-

_18th of June, _

_He sent me letters about his summer and I stayed up all night reading them, over and over. I remember shedding a few tears, but nothing drastic. His parents were never kind, so it should have been expected. It made me think about him, and he was all my mind seemed to focus on. _

Mail arrived today, and mum actually had one for me. I was so surprised, because I've never really gotten a letter before, especially not from a friend. For a moment, I thought there must have been some sort of mistake, but no, it was addressed to me.

I quickly opened it, careful not to rip it. It wasn't extraordinarily long and the hand writing was a bit hard to read, and I nearly had a heart failure when I saw who wrote it to me. Sirius Black.

"Dear Moony, How's it going? I thought you would have owled me by now, but you are a rather shy bloke, so I thought that's what the problem was. Or, maybe you secretly hate me and wish never to talk to me again. I'll go with the former."

I smiled, reading the paragraph again, noting how Sirius amazingly managed to keep his normal attitude while writing. I could almost imagine his voice, the tone and everything.

"Well moving on, I thought I'd tell you about my summer, you know, 'cause I know you're just dying to know every filthy little detail right? Hah, didn't think so, but I'll tell you anyway. When I got home, all I could do was smile because I knew I had friends, Remmie. You _are_ my friend, right? And James, what a sod but I love him anyway. Peter, well, he's an alright fellow. What did you think? after all, you were the first person I met. Good things always come to an end, though. And my parents can bring down my best mood. . . "

I frowned, noticing the wrinkles throughout the paper finally. I have a small feeling Sirius was just a bit tarted while writing this, and it made me quite curious if he wrote James and Peter as well.

"My. . . my mother, she hates half breeds, you know Mudbloods. . . it's embarrassing really. Remmie, you don't know this Merlin-awful woman, I swear. If you ever came over, she'd have a heart failure--no lie. I might ask you one day to, now that I think about it."

His humorous overtones were making me more and more uncomfortable. I knew Sirius liked to make light of a morbid situation, but nothing as depressing should be done with laughter. It's a flaw I should definitely ask him to work on.

"Hey Remus, when you write back, do give me an answer on that proposal. We could go to James' house, his mum is a nice lady and let's me stay whenever I want. We'd have a blast, you know. I need some fun after being here so bloody long. I can't wait to see you again, hope you're not the shrimp I remember you. Get some self esteem as well. I'll send more letters soon, do the same. Cheers, Sirius."

My smile returned, and my heart fluttered obscenely in my chest. Never had I had a friend like this, never. It gave me a small sense of satisfaction, pride even. His dedication was incredible and I wanted to permanently paint the smile to my lips. I loved him like I've never loved another, and I knew it was no crush, it just couldn't be.

The letters that were to come, however, were never read.

-

_23rd of September, nineteen seventy-four, Fourth Year,_

_School came round all too quickly and was unbearable. I couldn't even look at him anymore. I pushed him farther away than I ever wanted to in one particular incident. I'll never forget the horror in his eyes. I truly shouldn't have done that.  
_  
"Just what the ruddy hell is wrong with you Remmie?"

I don't bother to listen as he rambled about my strange sleep patterns, rude behavior or the sudden lack of enthusiasm for pulling pranks. He's worried, and that's understandable yes, but every sodding day I get the same speech, same angry voice and narrowed eyes. I love him dearly, and I do enjoy the attention I'm getting from him but . . . it's still not what I really want. I know I won't get him, and I've given up.

Telling him to stay away for selfish purposes would be horribly cruel, to myself and to him but it hurts so much just to _see _him every day, let alone act as though everything is perfect. That would be a bloody fairy tale.

He's interested in one thing, and I don't have the assets that thing has. Birds are definitely built different than blokes, by far and if he can't love me for what I've got, well, I know he's not for me, no matter how I wish he was, he's _so_ perfectly flawed.

"Nothing Siri, why?"

"You've been spending too much time in the library with that disgusting slimy git."

"And who are you referring to?"

Growling and puffing out his chest, he walked over to the window sill, glaring at it as if it just murdered his cousins. I absolutely hated when Sirius was like this, he was so unreasonable and mean, sneering at the smallest thing. "You know damn well who I'm talking about Remus! That insufferable prick is beneath you--"

"Don't talk about him that way," I hissed, closing my eyes and curling up, away from his accusing stare. I knew that making civil conversation with Snape would set him off, but I had to chance it. Snape spoke to me first, and how could I refuse a nice offer to go to the library? Being around James, Sirius and Peter was fun enough, but I was beginning to feel trapped, restrained. "He's. . . he's not _that_ bad."

I knew I said the wrong thing the moment he turned around. The look in his eyes frightened me; they were no longer gray and somber but stormy and anguished. He's never, ever looked at me like that.

"_What_ _did_ you just say?"

"H-he's not that bad. . . " My voice failed me, and it sounded more of a question than an answer. Sirius began approaching me, a dark shadow pressed over his face. He stopped just in front of me, reaching out slowly and taking hold of my collar. I winced, his breath coming out in little puffs against my cheek.

He growled low into my ear and I found myself blushing. "You don't know that disgustingly fowl prick, Rem, but I do and I know he's trying to exploit you to get to me."

"Sirius Black! Not everything is about bloody you!"

I rather regret saying by the hurt expression on his face. I backed away, into the bed and found protection behind the curtains. Of course, Sirius was never one to leave problems unresolved.

"Remus, I'm dreadfully serious--shut it--and I swear this is not some vanity squabble. He's out for you, I know it!"

I sighed, tossing my hands in the air and turned, frostily glaring out of the far window. "_Sirius_, I'm not incompetent. I know when someone's trying to fool me, and when they're not. We connect, and I reckon I like him and I think I might be a poof and you never notice and you'll just have to--" I was rather glad he cut me off, even the way he did. Babbling was never a sign of sanity.

I was silenced by his hand, pressing down on my mouth, his eyes horror-stricken. "Wh-what the bloody _fuck_ did you just say?"

"I. . . that I like Snape all right. . . "

He glared down at me, snarling. Curse his height advantage. "You think you're a poof and you like _Snivillus_?"

Was that actually what I said? "Well, it's more of an attraction. . . since the one I want doesn't really want me."

"And who would _that_ be? Fucking Lucius?"

My mouth most have started stuttering because I could feel a foreign movement around that area and then my hand, it flew up and smacked him hard across the face.

Everything froze in those short seconds before he pulled me close and pushed us onto a nearby bed, pinning me down. He was so incredibly close, I could feel his breath hissing softly against my cheek. For the first time since I've known him, I actually feared he would hurt me.

Instead, he did something equally shocking.

He kissed me, tongue plunging into my mouth and sticking in the back of my throat, a sharp groan escaping his firm lips, hair falling into my eyes and tickling my nose. The full realization was this--Sirius, girl crazy, skirt chaser, known play boy--was snogging me senseless and I didn't have the decency to like it.

Sometimes, I think I am too stiff.

The need for air overweighs our pleasure for the moment, and when I look into his stony orbs, I want to cringe and curl up, away from those prying eyes.

"Remus. . . I. . . "

I smiled and brought our heads together again, caressing his scalp with my fingers, letting him rest on my shoulder, our limbs tangled together. I knew what he was thinking, but this moment was so raw, so pure. It was something no Muggle movie or book could describe and anything further would ruin it completely.

"Sometimes, words are not needed."

-

_14th of February, nineteen seventy-four, Fourth Year,_

_Friendship is lovely, especially for someone like me, but now that I have Sirius, the world seems so much brighter in every aspect. The way he holds my hand, looks at me with adoring eyes and tenderly kisses my cheek, it's. . . indescribable. I hate Valentine's Day, with a passion. But maybe this once, I won't be so bitter towards it.  
_  
The sun, I decided, definitely had to go. And quick. Snuggling deeper into the mounds of fluffy, over size blankets, I stifled a yawn and glared at the window. If something hadn't been digging into my side, I would have been happily asleep but _no_ , no one could stand to see me comfortable. I sighed.

Sirius.

"What in Merlin's name are you. . . "

But when I looked around, there was only James and Peter, snoring softly in their own beds, while a small letter lay by my pillow innocently.

Innocently. Yes. . . well, no. Nothing with Sirius is innocent, and I've come to figure out what all of his half shrugs mean. Trouble. But, as always, I go along with his little scheme and opened the letter carefully, blinking at the forcedly neat handwriting coating half the piece of parchment while the other half was simply messy, and jauntily written. Yes, most definitely Sirius.

"Remus, sweetiekins, darling, my one and only, apple of my eye. . . if you read that out loud, look around."

I complied and Peter and James were holding their sides laughing and pointing at me hysterically. Sighing, I turned back to the letter. Bloody arse, Sirius was.

"Oh shut it, the both of you!" I growled, knowing I was blushing as their wicked guffaws echoed throughout the dorm. Instead of adding to their merth, I read it silently, berating myself on my careless behavior. "Yeah, you're not talking out loud now, eh? You know I love pranks, dearest. Well, come down to breakfast, I've got a grand present for you.

My interest was not peaked. He woke me up. . . for some wretched holiday that I had no intention of celebrating, with him or without. You don't need a day finalized to show you love for someone, and I'll stick to my opinion.

Dressing quickly and ignoring the sneers and snide remarks I was so graciously receiving from James and Peter, I made a slow trek to the Great Hall, where a most embarrassing situation was simply bound to happen.

"Remus!"

Before I could blink I was being tackled to the ground by a bouncing Sirius and smothered with sloppy, nasty kisses. He pulled us both up, holding onto me for dear life. He grinned down at me, taking my hand in his gently. It was enough to make my knees weak. "C'mon, I got a surprise you'd best want to see."

"Sirius. . . "

"Awww, aren't they cuuute Peter?"

"I dare say they are Jamsie, my boy."

My eyes were feeling exceptionally twitchty today.

Sirius pushed me into my seat, smiling softly and plopping down beside me. "Well?"

The breath was nearly knocked from me. There's a goblet full of hot chocolate, truffles, candy bars and a box of my favorite sweets from Hogsmeade shaped like a heart. I've never told him chocolate was my weakness . . .

"Oh Sirius. . . "

His smile made me gasp, the warmth radiating from it was completely overwhelming. He kissed my cheek, drawing circles on my skin with his skillful tongue, making me shiver down to the bone. His nimble fingers traced the outline of my jaw before picking up a piece of the milky chocolate and waving it in front of my face enticingly.

"Want one then?"

Nodding, I opened my mouth, licking my lips in anticipation as the cool favor overloaded my senses. Chocolate was truly a guilty pleasure, and no matter how hard I tried to break my addiction to it, I couldn't. The only thing I like more is Sirius, most definitely.

Doing something I rarely did, which is saying something, I smiled at him, watching every glint pass in his gray depths as I did so. "Thank you. I don't much care for this day, though but I got you something anyway."

A mischievous grin crossed his full lips evilly, seductively, _deliciously_. He laid his chin on his palm, observing me as I carefully pulled out his precisely wrapped gift, placing it on the table.

The moment I brought my hands away, he ripped the paper off and grinned manically at me, holding the Muggle item as close to his chest as possible. "I love it Remus, but what the bloody hell is it?"

I touched the glass carefully, pointing to the two lovers embraced in the snowy ground, hugging and whispering sweet nothings in their ears. Truly, I thought a snow globe would be beautiful, especially with snow still fresh on the grounds and you couldn't really tell if they were male or female, being so close together, so we could imagine them as ourselves.

"Then how come you love it if you don't know what it is?" I grinned. "Kidding. A snow globe. I bought it last summer but I never thought we. . . well, you know. And thought today would be the perfect day to give it to you."

He leant over, not caring that James was sitting by Lily, currently glancing at us, or that Peter was a mere five feet away, and kissed me, square on the lips.

Pulling away, our foreheads touched, and he so gently whispered the most memorable words I think I've ever hear, short and sweet.

"Remus Lupin, forever is something I can't promise, but I can say that I'll stay by your side for as many moons as I'm granted."

We kissed again, and it felt like flying without a broomstick.

-

_3rd of June, Sixth Year, seventy-six,_

_It seems Sirius has a bit of trouble in monogamous relationships. . . and it's becoming a bother. I'm not the jealous type, but he doesn't need his hand up a bird's skirt every bloody chance he gets_.

"We need to talk."

"About what love?"

Sirius was approaching me with a defiantly arrogant smile that I desperately wanted wiped away. I was sitting on his bed, inspecting my finger nails with feigned interest as he walked over, slowly and seductively. It was now or never. I took a deep breath.

"I believe you know, but I might as well spell it out for you then." I searched his face but found nothing. "I . . .seeing you flirt with birds so carefree without a second thought to me, it's entirely annoying and degrading. You might want to stop, or you'll find me gone."

This time when I glanced at him, worry and surprise were etched into his features, and his hand shot out, pulling me close as he stared into my eyes, his own in a frenzy.

"I'm sorry Remus, really. I didn't think you'd mind."

I nearly choked. "Are you that bloody dense then? Maybe we should bre--"

"Don't say it!" he growled, kissing me roughly. "I'll stop, I promise I will. I love you too damn much Moony to let you go."

I folded my arms across my chest, glaring. "Lovely sentiments really. Rehearse did you?" I knew I was being cold, but I just now realized how incredibly angry I was.

"What? No, of course not." He touched my cheek with surprising gentleness. "Please believe me."

"I seem to be doing that a lot."

"Please," he hissed against my neck, and I found myself under him, his body pushing against mine on the bed. My eyes glazed over as his tongue connected with my collar bone, hands steadily working off my jumper. I let him, the pleasure over weighing anything I wanted to say. "Forgive me love. Let me show you how important you are."

I nodded, unable to think properly.

He trailed sloppy kisses down my neck, and up again, fingers rubbing every patch of skin he could find. His knee lodged in between mine, nudging and sending little jolts of pleasure up my spine. Our clothes were soon shed, and he placed a silencing charm around the bed, closing the curtains and returning to me.

My hands wrapped themselves around his naked back, drawing him closer as his tongue licked my lips, coxing them open and diving in. His finger's slid down to my thighs, slowly pressing down and thrusting them to meet his hips, spreading my legs. I groaned, arching up at his touch, it was enough to drive someone insane.

His wet tongue and his hot mouth, everywhere all at once. I only remember part of the sensations that screamed throughout my entire body, the way he so carefully loved me.

We didn't do it again, simply savored the experience. I knew he wouldn't flirt anymore, and he didn't, true to his promise. He spent every minute curled up with me, running his finger's through my hair and kissing the nape of my neck, if only to make me shudder happily.

Yes, birds were definitely the last thing on his mind.

-

_10th of June,_

_I will never, for as long as I live, speak to Sirius Black, ever, ever again. What love and friendship I held is merely gone, and replaced with bitter hatred and resentment_.

The betrayal is still entirely fresh, and the hurt is even worse. Sometimes I fear my chest will explode because of it, not talking to him. I want to cry, but I don't. It would only make things harder. I miss him, and it's a horrible thing to realize. My own bed is not nearly as comfortable as his, and I have no warm body to cuddle with.

Seeing his face when I didn't say good bye, the pain was so real, it gave me a sick sense of satisfaction. He told my secret, he broke a promise that was never supposed to be broken. . . he deserved it.

Severus could have easily told everyone, could have tortured me the rest of my life. Maybe he would have if we weren't somewhat friends.

Werewolves are not something anyone wants to deal with, killing them is the only solution; they can't live normal lives, apparently. I don't want that to happen to me, and yet, Sirius does.

He. . . I should have said good bye, at least. Not talking to him the rest of last year was a good start, but I just . . . for my own benefit, I should have. Instead I just found a different compartment and ignored him, everyone.

Now the summer's here, and he's trying to prove something I suppose by sending me letters. So far I've gotten two, and they're basically the same thing. 'I'm sorry Remus, I love you', with some extra useless information I don't need to know about. I just put a band over them and threw them under my bed in the usual pile.

"Remus I. . . you know I'm sorry, you know I want to gorge my eyes out, sever a limb, anything if it'll reverse what I did. Telling Snape, even for a prank, was the stupidest thing I've ever had and I solely accomplished making the person I cherish most hate me. I. . . don't expect you to forgive me love, really I don't, but if you ever. . need anything, I promise to be there for you, whether you want me to or not."

Don't make promises, Sirius, they're not your strong point in life.

"How could I write you? I know that's what you're thinking Rem, but I've got to try, try and make you love me again. It sounds stupid, coming from me anyway but I have to make you understand why I did it, even if it's not worth your ears. Snape. . . he doesn't deserve to hear your voice, and you. . . I. . ."

This was about jealousy then Sirius? I'm just so very much surprised.

"Yeah, jealous, me? But oh I was. . . I watched you sometimes, the way you acted so naturally, comfortable with him, and it sent me into fits of anger. I couldn't stand it, Rem, and I wanted him dead. So I thought of a way, and it seemed to work at the time but I didn't realize how stupid it would be. I didn't realize I'd. . . lose you."

Yes, well you did.

"So, I'll leave you along for now, but there'll be plenty more letters, love, I'm a persistent kind of guy if you haven't noticed."

I'll burn as many as it takes.

Why am I not smoldering with hatred for him? I don't understand how he can betray me, almost destroy my life, and I simply can't bring myself to hate him. . .

It's not fair, not in the least. The effect he has over me, the power. I'd bend over backwards for him, before he ruined our relationship.

The window began shuttering and I sat up, stuffing the parchment away as a great white owl flew in, nearly taking my head off in the process. I shuddered, calming my pounding heart. Cautiously, I took the note attached to its leg, reaching for a nut on the bedside stand and dropping it in its pouch. It zoomed off without hesitation.

Another letter from Sirius, I was certain. I opened it, reading the simple line of words.

_Be ready, and make sure you're by the window.  
_  
Getting up, I glanced through the window, seeing a large shape approaching at an alarming speed until it was hovering just beside the shutters. I blinked.

It was a Muggle machine, motorcycle I think and it had Sirius Black grinning at me on top of it. I cried out in shock, stepping back but he only grabbed my arm, hoisting me up and over the sill, seating me in front of him and wrapping careful arms around my waist.

I was not objecting. . . why?

"Sirius! What in the world are you trying to bloody prove? What if a Muggle saw you, hmm?" I sighed, he seemed too busy in smelling me.

"You're so beautiful. I'm so sorry Remmie, so very deeply sorry. Muggles couldn't see me because I've put an invisibility charm on this, it's my baby after all. Let's just go for a walk, don't try to get off, just hear me out okay?"

Invisibility charm is a bit advanced for him, I bet James' mother did. . .

I shouldn't have agreed, but his arms around me, his hair blowing past my cheek, his mouth so close to my ear, his chest pressed against my back. . . they were all so enticing and I felt the anger and deceit drain from my body in mere seconds.

"Al-...all right then. But what if someone sees us?"

His grin was infectious. "And that's why we're going to land in your back yard and take a walk. You don't run away though, yes?"

I nodded, feeling slight nostalgia take me over. True to his word (for once) he landed behind the shed, turning off the engine and kicking out the stand. Not even realizing it, he picked me up (I had no clue I was still on it) and carried me a few yards before I started struggling, making him put me down. I couldn't deny how good it felt to be in his arms, though.

He blushed and settled for walking as close to me as possible, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes consistently. "Did you read my letters?"

"No," I lied. I'd read them hundreds of times, picking them apart before fully cherishing them.

"Oh, of course." He smiled sadly.

"Sirius, really, what do you want? I shouldn't even be talking to you right now, let alone have a civil conversation, don't you think?"

He nodded, opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the perfect words. "I want. . . _you_ . Back, I mean. I. . . you're everything to me, the moon and sun and stars, you're my universe Rem, and if the sun went out, there'd be no light. If you were gone, there'd be no _me_."

Who knew Sirius could be poetic, it's a nice change, but no one to be congratulated over. Words flow together naturally, people just need to string together the right ones.

Silence takes over, cold and unrelenting. I love silence but not like this. My heart is beating too fast, and my chest is constricted, I want to cry so badly.

"S. . . Sirius, I-- I _want_ to forgive you, I do and--"

His arm looped around my waist, his face so close that I can drown in his gorgeous eyes, so sad and melancholy.

"Please Remus? I'll never hurt you again, I. . ."

His mouth connected with mine, but it wasn't passionate, or beautiful. It was a way to vent the pain we've both felt this past year, our sorrow and hurt flowing through a link into each other. When we pulled away, I smiled. Tears were staining both our faces, but I couldn't seem to care much.

I knew, in that moment, I would forgive him.

And I hated it.

-

_18th of July, after graduation, nineteen seventy-eighty,_

_We've moved into our own flat, now that we've left Hogwarts. James and Lily have moved into an apartment, and I really hope they can stay the happy and loving couple they've became. After everything Sirius and I have been through, I have utmost belief in our own relationship_.

Sitting in James' living room, Sirius holding me on the couch as Lily makes tea is comforting, lazy even. Every movement sends me deeper into the sleep induced haze, clutching Sirius even harder. "Moony," he drew out, tangling his hand in my hair and smiling. "Tell James to _quit bloody poking me_!"

I smiled, sitting up and pulling him with me. "James, it was lovely but we really should be getting home, don't you think Siri?"

He leant back, snaking an arm around my waist and resting his head on mine. "Maybe, probably, yes," he yawned, grinning as James gave us a nasty look.

"But we have something to tell you. At least wait until Lily--

"What is this about Lily, hmm?"

She always did come in at the perfect time, a gift I think. Her red hair fell around her shoulders, emerald eyes scanning each of us with amusement as she carried the tray of tea with her, sitting down beside her husband. They'd gotten married exactly twenty days after Hogwarts, Sirius was the best man and nearly lost the ring, idiot. It made the celebration almost fitting, though.

James smiled at her, lacing their hands together. "You want to tell them now?"

Her eyes lit up, and she grinned at us, glancing from Sirius to me with those shining orbs, her smile so bright it could glow. "Of course! Well, you see. . . I'm, er, I'm preg--"

"--nant. Pregnant. Isn't it wonderful?" James finished, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

Sirius turned to me, gawking but I held no answers. Happiness flooding me, and I stood, hugging James and then Lily, smiling. "That's. . . that's amazing!"

"Yes, truly unexpected though. Any names?" Sirius' voice was wavering slightly, and I'm sure he was still in shock.

James and Lily traded looks, before turning back to us. "We've decided Harry is a good name for a boy, and Amelia for a girl. What do you think?" Lily asked hopefully.

"They're wonderful," Sirius whispered, drawing me closer to him. "We're. . . we're all growing up, then, I suppose."

"We are." James nodded, somber expression on his face. "Visit us, when you find that flat you wanted. You will?"

"If you don't," Lily turned to me, smirking. "We'll send howlers!"

"Right, right. Well, c'mon Moony, let's go."

I nodded, and we left, Sirius clutching me all too tightly. "What's wrong?"

His face was pale and his eyes were sad as he hugged me close, kissing my cheek. "We're just. . . it's not Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs anymore, is it? We're living separate lives away from each other now. Peter couldn't even find time to come. . . "

I touched his cheek, rubbing the pad of my finger in small circles soothingly. "It'll be fine, you'll see."

He smiled, kissing me deeply before looking up. "I've always trusted you, so I'll take your word for it."

"Nice to know," I laughed.

-

_He. . . he betrayed us. . . he killed them, he. . .--_

_--he's gone_.

-

That was the end. Sirius flipped through the last of the pages before closing it, breathing deeply. Lupin's memories were. . . beautiful and heart breaking, and Sirius wished he'd never read it.

The love they shared. . . so complete.

He stuck the book back in the box, covering it with others and got up, dusted off his pants and left, frowning and silently hating fate for destroying their perfect lives together. . .

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin had shared something so precious, and had been so deep, but sadly naive that a misunderstanding and a hidden insecurity tore them apart.

But Azkaban had taken all those memories.

-End-


End file.
